You love your partner but liking them is getting harder and harder. You’re exhausted from trying to have the same fights over and over again. And sex, well, you want to want to but you haven’t been interested in longer than you feel comfortable with. In fact, every time they get angry, you pull farther and farther away. You are not interested in planning a trip or giving a gift or even trying sometimes.
You’ve tried giving them the benefit of the doubt. You’ve tried doing everything their way. You’ve tried shoving your feelings down deep and biting your lip to keep the peace.
Coming to couples counseling with me isn’t about taking sides or repeating the same fights. It’s about rediscovering what you love about yourself and about your partner. It’s about rediscovering the passion, the respect, and the love that you dreamed about when you committed to each other.
They might not change. You might be afraid that their totally logical approach will overwhelm me. Both of you might be tired and convinced nothing will help. No matter what, if you want it, if you still love each other, then spending time with each other is never a waste.
Together we start to heal the hurt and the anger and create a safe place to remember the love and fun and comfort that you both had for each other.
Therapy is a place to get real and have a relationship that’s about seeing and hearing who you are, problems and pain included. This isn’t about minimizing what’s happening. It’s about moving through it so you can celebrate the opportunities.
Maybe it’s your too-demanding boss. Maybe your girlfriend doesn’t listen. But therapy gives you a place to explore and act on the idea that you can be your joyful self, no matter the circumstances.
You’re right, you can’t change the people in your life. But you can change. You can embrace who you are and what you need, and the people in your life will begin to change in relation to you. Therapy is the place to learn how to be in relationship and how to show up when the other person doesn’t change the way you want.
Biting your lip does keep the peace. That is true. But it also creates resentment, anger, frustration, and hurt. It slips out in other ways that put distance between you and the people you want to be closer to. Therapy provides space for you to share those problems and learn to build a closer relationship through sharing.
Recognizing our needs and emotions always creates a difference. Being able to state and imagine what you want and what you need in your life and in your relationships will shake things up. Let’s take this to the next level and ask what it would mean to fully show this side of yourself to your partner.
Having a full life is wonderful. But I have to wonder, are you showing up the way you want? Is it full of the people, and work, and love that you want? Do you really have the time to NOT come for therapy?