You are so tired of hearing “I don’t know”. You are exhausted and at your wits end. You know they are trying but it isn’t working. Their grades are down, you wonder if they even have friends, and you heart literally is breaking from seeing them in so much pain. You don’t know where your little angel has gone.
You’ve tried talking with them. You’ve talked with their school counselor, with their teachers, with other parents. You’ve read every parenting book you can get your hands on in an effort to see what you can do. But when you try to talk with them, when you try to actually change the dynamic that has built up, nothing gets through to them. At this point, even as the guilt eats you alive, your secretly relieved when they stay in their room. At least then you know where they are and you know that you can’t have another fight.
When you come into family therapy, we don’t create a list of rules and I don’t magically “fix” your kid. We spend our time talking about what is underneath all the behavior. We create space for your kid to remember that you are on their side. We create space for you to remember and witness how special they are. We move slowly so that trust is rebuilt on all sides. And sometimes that means changing how to parent but mostly it is about relaxing and celebrating and seeing who each of you are.
They might not change. It might take a while before someone is willing to open up. All of you might worry that nothing will help. No matter what, I know you love each other and the work of therapy is to learn how to show each other that no matter what else is going on, no matter what needs to be forgiven or discussed.
Together we start to heal the hurt and the anger and create a safe place to remember the love and fun and comfort that family represents
Therapy is a place to get real and have a relationship that’s about seeing and hearing who you are, problems and pain included. This isn’t about minimizing what’s happening. It’s about moving through it so you can celebrate the opportunities.
Maybe it’s your too-demanding boss. Maybe your girlfriend doesn’t listen. But therapy gives you a place to explore and act on the idea that you can be your joyful self, no matter the circumstances.
You’re right, you can’t change the people in your life. But you can change. You can embrace who you are and what you need, and the people in your life will begin to change in relation to you. Therapy is the place to learn how to be in relationship and how to show up when the other person doesn’t change the way you want.
Biting your lip does keep the peace. That is true. But it also creates resentment, anger, frustration, and hurt. It slips out in other ways that put distance between you and the people you want to be closer to. Therapy provides space for you to share those problems and learn to build a closer relationship through sharing.
Recognizing our needs and emotions always creates a difference. Being able to state and imagine what you want and what you need in your life and in your relationships will shake things up. Let’s take this to the next level and ask what it would mean to fully show this side of yourself to your partner.
Having a full life is wonderful. But I have to wonder, are you showing up the way you want? Is it full of the people, and work, and love that you want? Do you really have the time to NOT come for therapy?