Everyone gets depressed sometimes. And you understood at first. Or if you didn’t understand, you could at least deal and show up. And you could pick up the household slack, that’s what partners do. And you miss sex but everyone has different sex drives and you get it, kind of. And yes, it was hard, but everyone has periods where things aren’t great. But they have been depressed for years, YEARS. They have struggled with getting out of bed, and being angry all the time, and wanting to see no one for years. Friends, family and the internet talk about date nights and being supportive but your struggle involves getting them to leave the house or even to take a shower. At this point, you are starting to feel depressed
Friends, books, classes, they all help a little. You feel like you have a PhD in depression at this point. You know the symptoms, the triggers, the cognitive distortions. Heck, you know the name of the last three trial drugs released by the FDA at this point for dealing with chronic drug-resistant depression. You’ve mentioned Ketamine or Magnet therapy. And they try some of it, sometimes, but really, they just want you to GO AWAY and let them be depressed.
This group involves learning about yourself, not your partner. This is a place for you to be around others who are in this same struggle, asking themselves similar questions. The help offered here isn’t the same ol’ advice from your well meaning family and friends. It’s from people who have been in the trenches too.
This group is for you to start living the life you want. This is about learning about your boundaries and needs and what you have a right to ask for. At the end, you’ll know what you value, how to show up with compassion and honesty, and how to love life again. Start the journey now, reach out.
Therapy is a place to get real and have a relationship that’s about seeing and hearing who you are, problems and pain included. This isn’t about minimizing what’s happening. It’s about moving through it so you can celebrate the opportunities.
Maybe it’s your too-demanding boss. Maybe your girlfriend doesn’t listen. But therapy gives you a place to explore and act on the idea that you can be your joyful self, no matter the circumstances.
You’re right, you can’t change the people in your life. But you can change. You can embrace who you are and what you need, and the people in your life will begin to change in relation to you. Therapy is the place to learn how to be in relationship and how to show up when the other person doesn’t change the way you want.
Biting your lip does keep the peace. That is true. But it also creates resentment, anger, frustration, and hurt. It slips out in other ways that put distance between you and the people you want to be closer to. Therapy provides space for you to share those problems and learn to build a closer relationship through sharing.
Recognizing our needs and emotions always creates a difference. Being able to state and imagine what you want and what you need in your life and in your relationships will shake things up. Let’s take this to the next level and ask what it would mean to fully show this side of yourself to your partner.
Having a full life is wonderful. But I have to wonder, are you showing up the way you want? Is it full of the people, and work, and love that you want? Do you really have the time to NOT come for therapy?