Angry, Stuck and Alone
This article is for people who see themselves in the title or are worried about someone they see in the title. What does Angry, Stuck, and Alone even mean? What I mean by it is that you spend most of your day irritated, maybe really angry but mostly just irritated or frustrated. It’s hard to feel anything else. Maybe you are numb the other parts of the day or maybe you are sad. Occasionally yo feel relaxed or happy but that is becoming less and less frequent. You feel stuck, stuck in your life, your relationships, your job. You’ve tried changing jobs or careers to just end up back where you are now, hating your job, your boss, possibly your coworkers. You’ve tried a new relationship but you seem to end up in the same place with each partner you meet. They don’t know or love you, the idea of being alone brings feelings of relief, and yet you don’t want to be alone. Maybe you have tried something more dramatic and have moved countries or schools or states. The point is, you’ve made changes in your life and yet it feels like you are always in the same place. Finally, you feel alone. I’m not talking about physically, maybe you have roommates or a partner you live with or your at home taking care of your parents or kids. I am talking about inside. It feels like no one is on your side and that has been true for a long time. Sometimes it even feels like that is the way it should be. So yeah, you are feeling angry, stuck and alone.
Ok, great, sure, you feel that way. Now what? Now I want you to know you are not alone. Those feelings? Those patterns? That is normal and happens. They are scary and frustrating and can lead one to a place where suicide seems like the only option. And let me be clear, maybe those thoughts have been explicit like “I want to die” but maybe they have been more insidious like “Would it be so bad if I had a car accident on the way to work and didn’t make it?”. If you are in a place where you are thinking about how you want it to “end”, suicide is on your mind. And while that happens and it’s nothing to be ashamed of, it’s not okay. That’s not what I want for you and it’s definitely not what your family and friends want from you. Even if in your heart of hearts you’re thinking, “But they would be better off without me”, they wouldn’t. They really wouldn’t. I know you don’t believe me. I know that your situation is unique and I don’t know it or the people in your life or even you. What I do know is that the world is a better place because you are in it. The people in your life might be frustrated with you or angry with you but they do love you and they do want you around.
I know that you are smart and caring person. I know this because you are researching how you are feeling. I know this because if you didn’t care, you wouldn’t be thinking about how others would perceive your absence. I know you are smart because you’ve tried making changes in the past and you are paying attention to what has and has not worked. It takes incredible strength to admit to these feelings to yourself and to others. It takes incredible strength and courage to try something new and to ask for help. It isn’t easy to stay in these feelings but you don’t have to stay there alone if you don’t want to. Please, please reach out for help. Waiting until the breaking point is one way to go. That way is very risky. You risk your own life, you are risking the well being of the people around you, and you are risking the future you could be building for yourself and your loved ones.
During this time, don’t assume that your local therapist is closed. Most of us are open and seeing clients either through tele-health and in person when necessary. Check them out online and see if you like them. Call them. They want to help and they do believe in you.
To check my availability, please reach out to me. If you need to talk to someone right now, please call the National Suicide Hotline. You do not have to be actively suicidal. Please call if you are just starting or ending your day feeling angry, stuck, and alone. They are there not just for emergencies but to connect you to resources to help.